This is a very difficult post for me to write, because I am doing it for more reasons than to share what is happening in Mark's and my life. I am sharing this for support and to be held accountable.
About 9 months ago, an amazing man proposed to me and all of my dreams came true. I still think about that day and the look on Mark's face when he asked me to marry him, and it was truly one of the happiest moments of my life, and always will be. About 24 hours after that moment, it was time to plan the wedding! With all of the fun of planning a perfect wedding, I began to buy "stuff" that we needed here and there that would be just perfect for the big day. Then it was clothes that I needed for the week of the wedding, oh and I needed clothes for moving to Chicago. I also needed new decorations for our new apartment. And some of the stuff we needed for the wedding was just what we needed for our new place. And when does it stop?
I had a moment this past week that has brought me to the realization that I have been masking myself in "stuff" and missing out on a life that is about experiences and the art of living. On my way home from work I watched a woman on the bus give a total stranger change so he could ride the bus. This random act of kindness in a city of millions stopped me in my tracks. I realized that the way her home was decorated and the clothes she wore had nothing to do with who she is as a person what her actions say about her. I wondered what someone would say about me while I was on the bus?
The truth of the matter is I get lonely here at times and I miss my friends and family, and no matter what "stuff" I have it won't bring any of them here or make them like me better. So what I am proposing to do is stop the madness, and stop buying "stuff." I want to live a life that is based on loving others, loving myself, and enjoying God's amazing plan for my life. I want my life to be based around people and places I have traveled to and the experiences I have had and will have in the future. Not about the "stuff" that is waiting for me when I get home.
I plan to not buy a single thing for the next 6 months. For me that means no clothes, no shoes, no decor, no antiques, no "stuff." I want to reevaluate the value of what my life is filled with, and so far my most important assets are living and breathing loved ones (Sherbee is considered to be living and breathing). This is going to be so difficult and trying at times, but I believe this is what I am meant to do to make a real change in myself. I must however note that I do have a husband to think about and he does not have to be punished for my shortcomings. We will of course make family purchases and get gifts for others, but for myself I am drawing the line.
To me this does not mean that I don't get to celebrate and be appreciative of what we already have. In my truest self as an artist, the way that things look is important to me. I do not think that there is anything wrong with that. I am still looking forward to decorating with the seasons and doing home projects. I want to be creative and enjoy what blessings I already have, and not buy more things to fill a void in my life.
I am not proud that this is a struggle for me, but I am happy to be supported by friends and family in my endeavors. I hope to have support and understanding during this time, even though I know it seems drastic and a little weird. I also want to put myself out there and be held accountable. This isn't something I want to take back when I find the perfect ankle boots I have been looking for. This is a commitment to myself that I want to see through.
So my hope is that I can somewhat chronicle the hard times, and celebrate the good times as I begin this journey of a simpler life. If you haven't added up, my fast will break on St. Patrick's day! This is one of my favorite holidays and I will have much to celebrate on this upcoming spring day in 2013.
Thank you for your time in reading this story. I look forward to documenting this journey more and feel free to ask me any questions!